I am not a huge blogger…..mostly because there is not a whole lot I care to share and discuss with others. I have had this blog account for a while now solely to read a friends blog who is traveling in Spain. I wanted to stay in touch and read about her adventures. The only way I could comment on her stories was to open up my own account, so I did. I briefly thought it may also be fun to write my own blog once in a while. Writing helps relieve stress and it puts your feelings out on paper. I suppose the main problem I was experiencing was the very common, “Writer’s block.” Nothing really sparked my motivation enough to want to write about it. Today I actually feel like sharing a little about what I did today.
I went to church today. For some of you that may not sound like a huge deal, but for me it was. I haven’t gone to church in about 13 years. For me, it was a HUGE step. When I was a kid, my dad sort of forced the religion thing on me. He would send me cards in the mail every week with five dollars inside of it. Inside each card would be a bible verse which I was required to memorize by the next time I saw him. The first thing he would ask me when he picked me up from my mom’s house was, “Did you remember the verse I sent you?” I would just stare at the ground and say, “nope.” He would put his hand out and ask for the five dollars back if I could not recite it. That was the deal. No verse, no five bucks. How do you expect a small kid to understand bible wording?! I sure couldn’t. In fact, I thought it was boring and I grew to hate it.
Every Sunday, my dad would also drag me out of bed at a VERY early hour to go to church. He used to take me to Calvary Chapel and we would sit in the overflow room and watch a monitor with “Pastor Chuck” on it. Not only did I not understand a word he was saying, but also, it felt like he wasn’t speaking English. Not to mention, I was BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I only went to please my dad. And of course at the end of each service, my dad would ask me, “So what did you learn from the service?” I felt like saying, “if he was speaking in English I could understand, maybe I could tell you!” But I had to sit there and make something up and just let him correct me. I really would just blank out 75% of the time and only listened to enough to bring up a point to my dad at the end to make him think I was listening. So between being forced to go to church, and memorizing bible verses, I became bitter towards God and religion. My dad would get upset when I started showing this. I honestly did not “believe” in certain things in the bible. My thought leaned toward, “If I can’t see it, it must be fake.”
When I was 14, my dad passed away. Not only did that turn me away from church even more, it made me not believe in God at all. I thought, “If there was a God, he would not take my dad from me right now.” In college, I despised religion classes which I was required to take since it was a Lutheran school. The teacher would assign homework that required reading the bible and writing essays about your findings. My paper would end up bashing God. Not my proudest moments but I went through a tough period. And I BARELY passed that class hahah! I also refused to step foot in a Sunday morning service. I would just compare it to boring sermons and “thy” and “thou” bible verses.
So what made me go today? Sadly enough, as most of you have seen on the news, SDPD has lost a lot of officers this year. I attended a few of the services. Jeremy Henwood’s service in particular is when I sort of changed my mind about church and God. Miles Mcpherson from The Rock Church spoke during the memorial service. He was entertaining! And he spoke English! I just thought, if church was like that, I would go. So my husband and I sat down and mutually decided to try it out together. Jeff, my step son Kekoa, and myself went to the night service at The Rock Church tonight. I was nervous and I felt awkward at first. Not to mention, Kekoa asked to sit in the front row. I would have no chairs or other people in front of me to make me feel a little more secure in there. As the service opened up with music, a lot of people were singing out loud and raising their hands in the air. I don’t even dance at normal concerts so this part was not my favorite…..especially in the front row haha! After the music, Miles came out and spoke. I enjoyed the entire service and understood 110% of it. I felt like crying a few times but held it in. I don’t like to draw attention to myself. None the less, it felt good to be sitting there with my husband and son. It made me feel happy inside…..a different kind of happy then if you had just won a million bucks or something.
So anyway, just thought I would share with you all. I never thought I would see the day when I would say, “I want to go to church.” Jeff and I decided to go every Sunday night…I still can’t wake up early so night service is what we settled on haha. I am looking forward to the new experience in my life and the faith is very welcomed. It is also a new bond I can share with my husband J
