I almost don’t know where to start with this one……except
that this story I am about to share has been one of the most amazing,
stressful, terrifying, humbling, eye opening, and toughest experiences of my life.
But you know what? I would not change a thing about it. It has helped me become
a better person and has taught me what unconditional love really is (in more
than one way!). I want to share this story not just because I am proud of how we
got our son, but also for other women and families that may be going through
the same thing. I hope it brings them some peace of mind to know that there IS
a light at the end of the tunnel, and most importantly, to NOT give up on their
goal to have a family...so here is goes J
If we can rewind time a little bit to January of 2011….Jeff
had a reverse vasectomy so we could try and naturally expand our family (if
that isn’t one example of unconditional love, I don’t know what is!!!). When I
first met Jeff, I knew that he was “snipped” but I loved him so much that none
of that really mattered to me. I knew it would make it difficult if we ever
wanted to have kids but I also knew that it wasn’t impossible. Having children
was always something that I knew I wanted…..but I really had no idea what we
were in for. You see, Jeff and I did not end up to be one of those couples that
were able to just “do the deed” and boom! Out pops a baby. Though the reverse
vasectomy worked, we went through a whole year of trying with no success. We
watched friends and family get pregnant left and right. Though we were overjoyed
for them, we were desperately wishing we could have the same “We’re pregnant”
news to share.
We decided to see a fertility specialist in November of
2011. We gained new hope and decided to try Inter Uterine Insemination
(IUI). In a nutshell, it’s basically a
process where the doctor monitors when the female is going to release a mature
egg. Once the egg decides it is go time, the doctor inserts sperm and hope they
find their way to that egg! Well, Jeff and I did this three times. Each
pregnancy test was negative, and each time, I would grow a little more
depressed. It was really tough on both of us. We eventually decided to try
Invitro Fertilization (IVF). This was a much more complicated procedure, but at
this point, we were willing to try anything just to get to that moment of
having our baby in our arms. I underwent
all of the nasty self-administered injections in my belly for two weeks, had an
egg retrieval surgery, got REALLY sick from all the meds, and finally (and luckily)
we were able to get three mature eggs of mine out of it. Unfortunately, since I
got so sick from all the ovarian stimulation medication, we could not do what
was called a “fresh embryo transfer”. Normally, they would grow the embryos
outside of utero for about five days before they put them right back in you. We
ended up having to freeze our embryos in order to preserve them while my system
calmed down a bit.
Picture below is our three fertilized embryos:
August of 2012, we were finally ready to have a “frozen
embryo transfer” in hopes that just one of the three embryos would attach and
result in a successful pregnancy. To sort of cut to the chase, I got a positive
pregnancy test. But of course there had to be issues with my “beta count level”
blood test that said I was pregnant, and the size of the embryonic sac, and the size of the embryo etc etc. There was
NOTHING enjoyable about this time. Most people would be beaming with excitement
that they were just pregnant. All I could do was worry about all the
complications I was having in a very early pregnancy and that I may not get to
meet our little bundle because of it. Unfortunately,
my feelings were correct. We lost the baby at ten weeks. As quickly as we
watched the heartbeat on the monitor of our little dream come to life, we just
as quickly watched it stop and fly out the window. We were both devastated and
didn’t feel like we were ever going to get that end result of being parents
TOGETHER. I was getting ready to just
accept it......but something, or someone told me to research adoption. In the
back of my head, I always knew it may have to be our option. But why didn’t I
think of it sooner!?
I immediately started looking online to see what adoption
agencies were out there. I found one that had the best reviews there
was….Adopthelp is their name. I thought of all the ways of how I would ask Jeff
if he would consider it. I was actually nervous about what he might say…..or
how he may feel about it. Seeing that he already had four biological children,
I didn’t know if having an adopted child was a thought that ever crossed his
mind. Turns out, I was nervous about asking him for nothing. He said “yes let’s
do it” so fast I almost started spouting off the reasons of why it was positive
before computing that he had already said yes.
In late October of 2012, we signed up with Adopthelp. What I
really loved about them was not only their high success rates, but the fact
that the birthmother actually CHOOSES your family to place her child into. You
are not just placed on a wait list and put with the next kid that pops out.
We went through the crazy amounts of paper work, a home study,
constructing a profile pamphlet of our family to show to potential
birth mothers, financial hardships to pay for it, and a new learned patience. Adopthelp
began to “advertise” our family in December of 2012. Each month we received an
email letting us know how many birth mothers had viewed our profile and what
their decision status was. Though Jeff and I were still grieving over our loss
in October, we had a new found hope. The thought that we could receive a phone
call at any minute telling us that we have been chosen was exciting…and it kept
us going
.
February 15, 2013- I will NEVER forget this day. Jeff and I
had just finished a work week and needed to get our grocery shopping done. We
were at Costco. I had just found a desk
in the furniture aisle I wanted to purchase. Seeing that we already had a full
cart of groceries, Jeff went to fetch a flat cart to fit the large box onto.
While he was gone, my phone rang. The phone number on my caller ID showed up as
“blocked”. Normally, I do not pick up blocked phone numbers but for some
reason, I did this time. It turned out
to be Mia from Adopthelp. My first thought was that we needed to fill out more
paperwork. But instead I heard, “A birth mom chose you guys, she lives in
Wisconsin, she is pregnant with a boy……oh yah, and she is due in three weeks”.
*pause* Wait what? Did I just hear this correctly!? Once it finally computed in
my head, I started uncontrollably crying. Jeff returned with the flat cart and
immediately thought something was wrong. I shook my head as if to tell him that
I was fine and not to worry because I was crying. I was finally able to get the
news out of my mouth to tell Jeff. We both were in a state of shock. Mia told
me that she would be sending us an email with the birth mother’s information
and photo. We had 24 hours to decide if we accepted the match or not. I stopped
her and asked, “Is the baby a drug or alcohol baby?”. Since the answer was no,
we didn’t need to see a photo or anything else for that matter to make up our
minds. The answer on our half was YES! We stood in the furniture aisle of
Costco with a full cart of frozen groceries calling family and friends to relay
the good news.
Later that night, we were told my Mia that the birth mom
wanted to meet us and was available for a phone call so we could introduce
ourselves. Jeff and I sat in the living room with the phone in hand ready to
dial her number. But I hesitated for a good ten minutes. There were a million
thoughts running through my head. What do you say to someone that is going to
give you their baby!? This birth mom was about to do a selfless act for our
family that most people couldn’t even fathom. We finally just dialed the phone
number and decided we would just go wherever the conversation took us. We spoke
to our birth mom for over two hours. The conversation was WONDERFUL and we
learned that we had so much in common with her. We spoke about life, kids,
hobbies, jobs, family….and our new son on the way. At the end of the night, we
agreed that we wanted to move forward with this adoption.
The next couple of weeks were spent doing oodles more
paperwork with Adopthelp, talking to our birth mom on the phone, painting a
nursery for our soon to be son, and stocking up on tons of baby supplies and
clothes! It was so surreal just stepping into a Babies R Us to shop for a baby
that was for Jeff and I. He was going to be ours. For once, we weren’t shopping
for someone else’s baby shower and it was becoming more real. In a matter of 2
½ weeks, we furnished and painted the entire nursery. We were ready as we could
be. And then all of our plans decided not to go as planned……you see, our birth
mom, Gina was supposed to fly out to California with her sister to have the
baby. On the night of March 7th, 2013, my phone rang. Gina was
supposed to get on an airplane the next day so I figured she was calling to say
something along the lines of, “I will see you guys tomorrow”. Instead I heard,
“Jenna, I am in K-mart and I think my water just broke”. Crap. The next few
hours were spent throwing “warm” clothes in a suit case, booking an airline
reservation to Wisconsin, and getting to an airport as fast as we could in hopes
that we would not miss the birth. My main concern was the weather. Wisconsin
was in their prime stormy snow season.
Early morning, March 8th 2013: Luckily, we (Jeff,
my mom, and I) were able to get a flight that was not delayed. Once we were
finally at the gate ready to board the plane, I gave Gina one last phone call
before we took off to let her know when we would hopefully be there. Since Gina
was in very active labor and in tons of pain, I instead spoke to Gina’s sister.
She told me that the Doctor said the baby was coming soon. We boarded the plane and tried to get some
sleep before we landed.
When we landed in Wisconsin, I immediately turned on my
phone so I could call Gina to hear an update…….but before I could do that, a
picture text message popped up on my phone. It was a beautiful picture of our
new son, Clayton Charles Willkomm. It read, “Hi mom and dad. I arrived at
10:27” (photo she sent shown below). I couldn’t contain my tears of joy. It was so surreal.
Upon arrival to the hospital, I started getting nervous. I
was trying to figure out if I should greet Gina first, or our new son, or the
other way around. I couldn’t believe the time was actually here! Jeff and I
were going to get our moment to hold OUR baby together. I grabbed the diaper
bag we packed and Jeff and I made our way to the hospital entrance hand in
hand. My mom followed behind us taking pictures of the moment.
Room number 255. We were outside the room ready to meet Gina
and our new son. We took a deep breath and walked in. In the hospital bed, we were
greeted by a smiling Gina. I went straight to her and gave her a giant
hug. I also had the pleasure of meeting
her sister, Tenisha, and Gina’s boyfriend, AJ. After I said hello to them, I
turned around to see the most beautiful little face I have ever seen. Clayton. He
was just beautiful. A nurse was in the process of bundling him up under the
heat lamp so we could hold him. I stood by and just watched in awe. I was
already in love with this precious little boy. I turned back around and gave
Gina another hug making sure she knew that we were so thankful for her and our
son. The nurse just as quickly slapped a hospital bracelet on my wrist and
placed little Clayton in my arms. Our moment had finally arrived.
The next couple of days we stayed in the hospital with
Clayton. The hospital gave us our own room and everything. It was right next
door to Gina’s room so it was pretty awesome. We took turns carting Clayton
back and forth from room to room giving him very large doses of love. We got to
bond with Clayton and also with Gina.
After two days in the Hospital, we got to bundle our new little dude up
and venture out into the snow…..to our hotel room. This was one of my least
favorite parts of the trip. There is NOTHING fun about staying in a hotel room
with a newborn baby for a month!
In a nutshell, the whole month (which was only supposed to
be two weeks) we were on pins and needles. I won’t go into too much detail out
of respect to the birth father, but he definitely did not make this process easy
for us (We never got to meet him to hear his thoughts. But if he ever reads
this, we want to thank him too. Clayton is here because of you and Gina…..and
we are forever thankful for our beautiful son). In fact, we thought we may not
be going home with the little boy we already called our son. I was about to set
myself up for another let down in the baby department. I tried to keep busy to
keep my mind off of things that were negative. I ran, I changed diapers, ran
some more, ate a ton of food that was awful for me, visited with Gina, and
slept as much as a baby would allow me too. We also got the wonderful opportunity
to meet Joanna Ivey and her beautiful family. Joanna is the very talented woman
who created our profile pamphlet to help “advertise” us. She also happens to live in
Wisconsin. Her and her family opened up their home to ours and invited us over
for dinner. It was a great way to help get our minds off of the things that
were going on. A month went by very SLOWLY and luckily, things worked out for
us just fine. God was truly watching out for our new family.
April 5th, 2013: We were allowed to take our son
home to California! I couldn’t wait to go home. I missed my bed, my family, and
the warm sun. I was tired of living out of a suitcase….and using a communal
washer and dryer (gross!). Sitting in
the airport in Wisconsin that evening was unreal…… I couldn’t believe that Jeff
and I were bringing this beautiful baby home with us.
The months flew by when we got home. Clayton was growing
quick! We watched a lot of firsts. First Disneyland trip, first 4th
of July, first Thanksgiving, first Halloween, first teeth, first trip to the
beach…..memories I will cherish forever. I went through emotional roller
coasters like you wouldn’t believe. I knew deep down that the adoption was
pretty much good to go. We were just waiting on minor technicalities. Six in
home visits from a social worker, more paperwork, and waiting on courts. On
average, it takes 8-10 months to finalize this type of adoption. This was a
hard wait period because for me, I over think most things when it is important
to me…..”What if something goes wrong with the paper work and we lose our
son?........what if a new issue pops up that they didn’t expect and the
adoption can’t happen?”. I did my best not to think like that but at times, it
would cross my mind. Thank God nothing came up and there were no red flags
after the Wisconsin fiasco.
December 20th, 2013……This day was just as special
as the day we met Clayton. The day we finally went to court to close the book
on this very long journey and make the adoption final. This particular date
also happens to have a lot of significance to me. Not just because it is now
the day Clayton legally became our son, but it is also the anniversary of my
dad’s passing. This year marks 15 years since my dad has been gone. I don’t
think it was just a coincidence that our hearing date just happened to fall on
this date. I believe it was my dad’s way
of letting me know he is always with us and rather than being sad on this day,
that I should be happy. Instead of remembering how awful this day was for me as
a teenager, I will instead remember my dad’s life and how amazing he was. And
now, I can also remember how amazing I felt when the judge told Jeff and I that
Clayton was ours FOREVER.
This journey was unlike anything that I have ever
experienced before. Like I said in the first paragraph, I would not change a
thing. I think this is the way God meant for me to create my family. Jeff and I
still stay in close contact with Gina. She is AMAZING and we are lucky to have
her as part of our family. We send her oodles of photos of Clayton every month
(mostly through text). She knows we love her very much and how grateful we are for
the amazing gift she gave our family. Besides my own mother, she is one of the
strongest women I know. So Gina, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for
Clayton. He is the light of my life and a dream come true for us. We can't wait to reunite with you one of these days :) I also need
to thank my mom. She stuck with us through this entire process. Without her, none of this would have been
possible for us. She also takes amazing care of Clayton when Jeff and I are at
work. ALL of our friends and family:
thank you for supporting our decision of adoption and thank you for accepting
Clayton for the wonderful little boy he is. I am excited for the future and
watching Clayton grow into a successful young man. Until baby number two, I am
checking out J
